The Missing Piece
by poisoncade
Summary: Eli has cancer, and he might not make it. His daughter Jayden, his pregnant wife Clare, and his son sturggle to survive while he's in the hospital. Will Eli make it? And more importantly, will his family? One shot or more chapters is based on reviews!
1. Chapter 1

**Jayden's POV**

I pulled my headphones down over my ears, trying to block my thoughts. That was hard to do when everything you saw stirred a memory from deep in your subconscious. Memories flooded into my mind and I turned up the volume on my iPod. My Chemical Romance burst into my ears, I had it on random. I recognized the familiar tunes of Cancer and I felt tears form behind my eyes.

_Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo._

_Counting down the days to go. _

My body shuddered for a second and I considered collapsing in the pile of leaves in someone's yard. Dad and I used to rake leaves together, back before he got sick. I saw my hands shiver as I thought of my father, once my knight in shining armor, reduced to a number on the wall of a hospital room. The doctors, the countless doctors, didn't even call Dad by his name whenever they toured with college students. They boasted about his lung cancer, saying it would more than likely kill him. Forty percent chance was all that he had, if he survived the surgery. I walked up the steps to my house and opened the door to see my little brother, Blake, watching TV. Blake got home from kindergarten before I got home from junior high, and he was always thrilled to see me. "Jay!" he screamed, so overly excited. He ran up and wrapped his arms around my legs, the top of his head barely touching my knee. "Hey, Baby Blake." I said, calling him by the nickname I used to annoy him. Dad started calling him that after he was born. Blake was premature, so he was tiny whenever he was born, hence the nick name.

"Don't call me that!" He said, looking at me with his emerald eyes. My dad always said that he looked just like him, and it was true. Even though his name was Blake, it should have been Eli Junior. He had Dad's dark hair and his eyes. The shape of his face, everything. "Where's Mom?" I asked gently, wanting to reach out and touch his face. "She went to get something for Daddy. We get to go to the special place soon!" Blake said, bouncing up and down excitedly. I smiled weakly back at him. Blake was only four, and he didn't understand what a hospital was, and he couldn't say it either. So Mom just told him that it was a "special place" for sick people. She also told him that dad would be getting better soon. Just as he said this, Mom walked in the door, holding two grocery bags. "Hey, Jayden." Mom said, leaning over to kiss Blake. "I just ran to the corner to buy some bread and something for dinner." She pulled my favorite drink, Explosion, out of her bag and handed it to me. This was more of a bribe, really. Her blue eyes met mine and I understood what she was trying to tell me. 'I bought you the drink that cost more than double of the usual crap I buy you. Please watch Blake so that way your father and I can talk.' I nodded a little as Blake clamored for Mom's attention. She turned, trying to adjust her pregnant stomach. Mom had gotten pregnant right before Dad got sick. She was already six months along.

On the way to the hospital, I put the cherry-lemon soda to my lips. It was a weird combination, but that was why I liked it. When we pulled up to the hospital, I was the first one of the car. I ran into the elevator. There was a patient in a wheelchair already inside, with eyes that were blank and emotionless. His face sagged and his eyes didn't move, they just stayed unfocused. Would my Dad be like that? The nurse pushed him out at the floor and I ran to my Dad's room. Left turn, right turn, left turn. There was my Dad's room down at the end of the hall. I counted my steps, just like every time. Fourteen, as usual. Dad's room number was 148. I burst through the door to see my Dad behind a computer screen. He looked up whenever I came in, and my heart dropped into my stomach. He looked worse. He looked even paler than last time, and skinnier. I just saw him three days ago! His eyes lit up with the normal brightness I saw every time I came over and I ran to him. "Dad!" I said, jumping into his arms. He shoved the computer onto the nightstand and held me to him. "Hey, beautiful. Where's your Mom and Blake?" he asked me gently, smoothing my hair back. He kissed my forehead and I wanted to hold onto him forever. "They're coming. I just wanted to see you first." I said, smiling at him.

Dad smirked up at me and gently laid me down beside him. "How's the baby?" he asked me, trying to brush his dark hair out of his eyes. "The baby's good. We went to go see the sonogram yesterday." I said.

"Well, is it a boy or a girl?"

"They couldn't tell, Mom brought pictures though."

"That was thoughtful of her. How's your mother and Blake?"

I looked up as Mom and Blake walked through the door. "Why don't you ask them?" I said, putting on Dad's identical smirk. People say I look like Dad, and I do. I have his eyes and his smirk, and his sarcasm. I have Mom's hair color naturally, light brown, but I dyed it black to look more like Dad. "Hey, gorgeous." Dad said, seeing Mom. She smiled for the first time in three days, and I know how much she missed him. "Where's Blake?" Dad and I said in unison. "Well, Adam showed up to visit you too, and he took Blake to go get a juice at the vending machine." Mom said, and Dad leaned up eagerly to kiss her. It wasn't one of those 'Hey honey, I missed you' kisses. It was the burning kind, the kind that you could feel the passion a mile away, the kind that made my cheeks flush. Whenever they broke apart, Dad's eyes burned with love for my mother. Instead of my mother's eyes, her cheeks were burning. "How's the little one?" he asked her, kissing her stomach. "The baby's great! Here, I brought you pictures." Mom said, pulling the sonogram photos out of her purse. Dad put one hand on Mom's stomach after he flipped her shirt up a little, and then looked at the pictures. "She's beautiful." He said, looking at his baby.

Me and Mom looked at each other. "She?" Mom asked. Dad smiled a little, a slight blush forming in his cheeks. "I can tell." He said, running his hand over Mom's stomach. "But baby, the doctors couldn't even tell. Are you sure?" Mom asked, her blue eyes shining. I knew that she would never tell Dad, but she really did want a little girl. He put the pictures down and placed his other hand on Mom's stomach. "Oh yeah, it's a girl." He said. Mom grinned as the baby kicked her and Dad started laughing. "And a soccer player, too." Mom and I left to find Blake, and an alarm went off. The doctors started rushing past us in the hall, running into dad's room. "Get the IV ready, get his stats!" A doctor said. Adam came running down the hall, holding Blake, and Mom, terrified, told him to take us home. After that, my mind was in a blank.

***At home, Adam and Blake are downstairs***

I held the razor blade in my hand, contemplating. Dad was dying, I could feel it. I pulled the razor blade across my wrists and I felt the veins slice open. I looked down at the picture that I had abandoned on the floor, a photo of me and Dad at camp. He was giving me a hug, saying goodbye to me for a week. I looked down at the photo before I thought my final thought. _If you're going, I'm going to. _

**A/N What do you think? Good, bad? One shot, or more chapters? Does Jayden live or die? Does Eli live or die? 10-15 reviews to update, tell me what you think! Also, what do you think the baby's name should be?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Jayden's POV**

I opened my eyes to stare up at the whiteness above me. The last thing I remembered was the relaxing feeling of letting go, releasing everything. I remembered drops of blood flowing down over my fingers and then staining the white tile underneath me. The darkness swallowing me, the feeling of drifting to sleep. "Good morning, princess. How are you?" I heard a familiar voice ask. I looked up to see my father standing over me, looking much healthier. His face flushed more and his green eyes sparkled. He leaned down to kiss my forehead and I stretched up to hug him. "What happened?" I asked, realizing that the place where I was wasn't Heaven, but a hospital. "Adam came upstairs to check on you, and found you. Don't you dare ever scare me like that again." Dad hissed the last sentence, and his eyes burned with anger. I knew he was just upset because he loved me, and he didn't want me to get hurt, but I still didn't like it. "I'm sorry Dad, I promise that won't ever happen again."

He nodded stiffly and sat down in the chair beside my bed. I felt a dull pain in my wrists and Dad ran his hand through his hair. He sighed and then looked back up at me. "Do you have any idea how worried I was about you? Why would you even think about doing something like that?" He said this gently, probably not wanting to upset me. "I didn't know what was going on whenever all those alarms went off. I thought you were dying. I just wanted to stay with you." Dad looked like he was going to cry for a second, but pulled himself together. "Honey…" he said gently, shaking his head. "I was dying, my lung collapsed. The doctors did the emergency surgery and got the cancer out. I'll have to stay here for another week, but then I get to go home." This news hit me like a truck. Dad was coming home? All those endless nights of crying, all that stress on Mom, all of it was over? "Really?" I asked, barely audible. All the air had slipped out of my lungs. "Yes, really. You and I are going to be fine, even though your mother-" Dad broke off as Mom ran into the room.

"Jayden don't you dare ever scare me like that again! Do you hear me? I was worried sick about you! I slept here the entire night and Blake had three breakdowns! Thank God Adam found you-" Mom started what was going to be a very long lecture and I sighed. I had no IV's or anything so I stood up and slid out of bed. My wrists were bandaged and I could feel the stitches underneath. I sat on Dad's lap and listened to Mom rant. My wrists ached, my Dad was still pale and skinny, and my mom was screaming at me, but I couldn't be happier.

***Two weeks later* **

I glared down at my stitches. Just one more week and then they were off. I got out of school, summer had finally arrived. Dad got back from the hospital last week and has thrown himself into his job, painting the nursery and playing with Blake. Me and Dad have really long conversations a lot. Sometimes we deliberately take long care rides just to talk to each other. Adam and his wife, Fiona are coming over soon. She's a really nice girl, it surprised me that she used to be an alcoholic. Mom and Dad are having them over to dinner tonight to celebrate Dad getting better. I sighed as I rocked back and forth on the swing, watching Dad and Blake play. Dad looked so happy. His eyes glittered and he barely stopped laughing at everything Blake did. Blake really did look like Dad, and sometimes I wished I looked more like him.

"Jade, go wash your hands and get ready to eat. Did you put the medicine on your wrists?"

"Yeah, Dad. I'll be down in a second." I walked up the steps and into my room. I walked over to my dresser and gently slid my hand along the edge of the wood until my fingers slid over the picture. I had gotten the blood off of it after I came home. I gently traced the outlines of the photograph before I looked at it. It was the same picture of me and Dad at camp, and we still looked just as happy. I didn't want to hold onto that memory so tightly. Yeah, it was a great memory. But I didn't want to waste my time staring at a photograph when I had the real man downstairs waiting for me. I turned the picture over and left my room, going downstairs to go see my dad.

When I got downstairs, everyone was already sitting down, Adam and Fiona already talking with Dad. His dark hair was in his face and the familiar smirk my mother had fallen in love with was on his lips. I stopped for a second, watching my Mom and Dad play footsie under the table. I thought it was adorable how he stared at her, his eyes burning with love. Of course they had been having a lot of…you know. After Dad came home, that seemed to be important to him, making up for lost time. He had the respect to be quiet and do it when they thought we were asleep. He made up for lost time in other places too, spending hours with Blake and I, and preparing for his next child. I had been so focused about Dad, I had barely thought about the baby. Now she was topic of conversation. "What are you guys going to name her?" Adam asked. Dad smiled, looking over at Mom as Blake fussed with his chicken nuggets. "We were thinking something along the lines of…Never mind, I'll tell you later." My Dad said, seeing me.

"Speaking of kids…" Adam said, smiling slightly and looking over at his wife. Fiona blushed and I sat down. "Babe, do you want to tell them?" he asked. Fiona shook her head, her dark curls flowing over her shoulders. "You can." She said. "Eli, Clare. We were wondering if you'd like to be godparents. The adoption went through, we're getting a daughter next month."

**A/N Who saw that coming? REVIEW! The baby is born next chapter! Any ideas on names for EITHER baby? I had an idea of naming the baby after a certain someone, can anyone guess who?**


	3. Chapter 3

**To my readers: Please, bear with me. My bro is suicidal and had to go to a mental hospital. He took my computer to work from there so that way he wouldn't lose his job. My rents r getting a divorce and my sis got in a car crash. I'm sorry I haven't been able to update, my bro gets OUT OF THE HOSPITAL IN A WEEK and I WILL update all of my inprogress stories then. I'm typing on a library computer with half the freaking keyboard missing. **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Sorry I've been gone so long guys, a whole bunch of stuff has been going on. **

**Eli's POV**

In the beginning I couldn't believe I had lied to my own daughter. Even more believable was the fact that she had believed me so easily. It was Clare's idea, in my defense. I woke up to find my blue eyed angel crying by the side of my bed, and immediately asked her what was wrong. She told me what Jayden had done and I wanted to die. How could she have been so stupid to try and hurt herself? The doctor told me that I was going to have to have surgery in a few weeks to get rid of all the cancer. My lung had collapsed, and I almost died. The doctor said I would get better for awhile, then even sicker then I had been before. If I didn't get the surgery as quickly as possible, I would die. Money was the problem. My job as a Toronto newspaper article writer was hanging by a thread, and I just assumed that I was fired. I was trying desperately to find another job to get the money in, but I didn't know if I could. The surgery was $80,000. A fucking doctor had already put an expiration date on me.

I had a fifty percent chance of being healthy for two more weeks before I fell into a deep pit of sickness, one which I would most likely never crawl out of. If I didn't get the surgery that would remove the cancer from my other lung and repair the damage to the collapsed lung, I would slip into a coma and be gone shortly thereafter. Clare was barely holding herself together, begging her parents for money. Her parents, who loathed me since the day they met me, refused. Randal and Helen had cut Clare off after our marriage, and told Darcy that she would get no financial support from them unless she did the same. Pressured by bill collectors, Darcy hurtfully agreed. She still talked to Clare in private, and was desperately trying to get cash. It was pure agony to watch my children play, and know that I might never get to see them get married, or go on a first date, or to comfort them after their heart got broken for the first time. It was even more agonizing to look at my wife and know that we would never see our fifteen year anniversary together, and that I would never hold our baby growing inside her.

We lied to Jayden out of love. We were so scared that she would hurt herself again if she found out about my upcoming death. I loved my daughter more than anything else in this world, and I knew that this would kill her. I looked down at the photograph that I had stolen from Jayden's room, looking at us saying goodbye to each other. How was I supposed to say goodbye now? Hot tears burned pathways down my cheeks, and I knew in that moment that I would always love her. I would always love Clare, Jayden, Blake, and baby C. Oh yeah, we called the unborn baby Baby C now. I felt Clare's pale smooth arms wrap around me and I leaned up to kiss her porcelain cheeks. "Baby, it'll all be okay." I whispered into her bobbing cinnamon curls, not sure if I was trying to convince her or me. I held onto her tighter as she sobbed. "We'll all be okay, Blue Eyes. I promise." I said the words that I needed to hear as much as Clare did. Her sapphire eyes gleamed with pain and I laid down on our bed, pulling her into my chest. "E-Eli, I can't live without you!" she sobbed, holding me. I didn't think it was possible, but my heart shattered more. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but it stayed lodged firmly in place.

"Yes, you can. You have to." I murmured into her ear. "What about the kids? Who'll look after them?" I combed her hair back with my shaking fingers and looked at the girl I had fallen in love with so many years before. Her eyes were weathered with sadness, and her mouth were twisted with a thousand questions neither of us had any answers to. I pressed my lips to her forehead and inhaled in the scent of the woman I loved. How could I ever say goodbye? "Blue eyes, listen to me. I love you and our children more than anything in his world, and that's why I think it's okay that I'm leaving this world." I started off gently. Years of being a playwright were coming in again as I wrote the dramatic ending before the final curtain. "I'll always be with you, I'll always be taking care of you. I will love you forever, even after I'm gone. Even if you can't see me Clare, it doesn't mean I won't be there. I'll be crying with you, and laughing with you. I love you and our babies so much Clare, promise me you'll never feel alone." I held her to my chest as she promised me. She fell asleep on my chest a short while later, and I put my hand to her pregnant belly. "I love you to, Baby C." I murmured, kissing the smooth skin of Clare's stomach. I sighed as I got out of bed, as I walked into Jayden's room. My daughter was asleep in her bed, a small smile on her face. Everything was alright to her. I hope she could handle it whenever I was gone. I pulled out the small silver chain out of the back of my jeans, running the smooth diamonds over with my thumb. I gently placed the diamond angel necklace on her dresser, on top of the picture. I left then, walking into the room of my only son. I kissed his forehead, brushing his curls back. My only son. The phone rang downstairs and I ran to get it, hoping none of the kids would wake up and see me like this. "Hello?" I asked hoarsely. "Eli? It's Adam. I think I can help."

**A/N Any guesses? Why is the baby called Baby C? How will Adam help? PLEASE REVIEW! **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N To my readers- I AM SO SORRY! My life has been Hell lately and I'm sorry I haven't been updating. ****Please REVIEW! ****It's what I live for, I love your reviews! **

**Eli's POV**

"Eli? It's Adam. I think I can help." The phone froze in my hand and my body stiffened. No one could help me now. "What are you talking about Adam?" I asked gruffly. I wasn't in the mood for this, I had a limited number of heartbeats to spend with my family. "I'll explain whenever I get over there." Adam said hurriedly. The phone went dead in my hand and I slid it back into it's cradle. Why was he torturing me like this, giving me false hope? I was a goner already. I walked numbly into our kitchen and went to the top cupboard, higher than where the kids could get. I pulled out a bottle of bourbon and poured a glass. The first burning sip took the edge off, and I stopped there. My knuckles whitened as I squeezed the glass. As it was about to shatter I put it onto the counter. I abandoned it, walking up the steps to the nursery. I opened the door gently, walking into the light pink painted room. Her crib was pushed against the wall, opposite of the changing table and rocking chair. Shelves were lined next to the crib, already stored with books and diapers and pacifiers. I grabbed a small stuffed rabbit off the shelf and collapsed into rocking chair. I gazed at the room around me, at the crib where my baby would sleep. The baby I would never get to know.

I looked down at the yellow rabbit, gently tracing its button eyes with my thumb. Why me? Why would my children have to grow up fatherless? Why would I never get to hold my unborn daughter? I had to stand by and watch as my life was slowly sucked away. It was the cruelest torture I could ever imagine to watch my wife's belly get bigger, knowing I would never get to see the baby underneath. And Clare, oh my Blue Eyes. How could I leave her? She had been my sole purpose of living since I was a teenager. My whole world had already crashed around me, and I had to let them pick up the pieces and rebuild. I let the rabbit drop from my hands and took a piece of paper and a pen out of my pocket. I glanced up at the moon outside the baby's window before beginning the letter to the child I would never know.

_Dear Baby C,_

_This is Eli, your dad. I wanted to tell you that even though I never got to meet you, I love you more than anything in this world. I want you to have the best life you can, I want you to be the happiest child alive. I'm sorry that you have to do that without a father. I'm sorry I'll never get to walk you down the aisle, sorry that I'll never get to see your prom dress, or get to wipe your tears away. I want to tell you that no matter hard life is, I'll always be with you. I'll be there whenever you cry, and laugh, and smile. I'll be watching you on your wedding day, I'll see you play with your brother and sister. Just because you can't see me, doesn't mean I'm not there. I need you to remember that I will always love you, even after I'm gone. Never forget it. _

_With eternal love, _

_Dad. _

A tear hit the piece of paper I wiped my eyes furiously. I folded the paper and walked up to the small music box on the shelf. It was embroidered with jewels, given to Clare from Darcy whenever she found out she was pregnant again. Clare had decided to keep it in the baby's room and give it to the baby. I lifted up the lid and sounds of A Summer Place filled the room. I placed the letter on the felt interior and sighed, shutting the lid. I heard my front door open and went downstairs to greet Adam. Adam sat on my couch, bouncing up and down from excitement. "What's up, Adam?" I asked, impatient. I had a wife to get back to. "I can help you man." He said. Wordlessly, he got up and handed me a check for eighty thousand dollars.

***The next morning* **

My surgery was next week. Adam had asked Fiona's parents for money, and they had given it to him without even blinking. I couldn't have been more grateful. I cried after Adam gave me the check, and hugged him. We talked for about an hour, after waking up Clare and telling her the news. She had literally kissed Adam (don't let your mind wander, it was brother-sister kiss) and had made Adam leave so that way we could celebrate. Our celebration was very…sexy, to say the least. Clare was glowing as she made pancakes and Jayden and Blake were reading a book on the couch. I got up from my chair and walked up the steps. "Eli, where are you going?" Clare asked me, her blue eyes wide. She was still very attached to me, still scared. "I just need to do something, Blue Eyes. I'll be right back, my love." I soothed her, walking into the baby's room. I ripped open the lid to the music box and pulled out the letter. I opened the window and flicked my lighter against the paper. Flames licked up my heartfelt words and the ashes floated to the ground. The baby didn't need the letter to tell her how much I loved her, I would tell her myself.

**A/N REVIEW! Eli's surgery, baby birth next chapter! Chapter after that: Conflict with the Torres's? Tell me what t name the baby I have no ideas. REVIEW!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N I'm so sorry I haven't updated, guys! My computer was broken for most of the summer, and since I did cyber school, I had to wait for my school to send me a new one! I'll try to write as much as I can, thank you to all of my fans! PLEASE review! **

**Eli's POV:**

I was lying in my hospital bed, trying to keep my hands from shaking. My wife sat on the chair next to the bed, but she stared off into the distance. Her blue eyes looked dull and lifeless, and the little emotion I could see revealed only terror. Her bottom lip was trembling slightly, and I watched as her smooth perfect teeth bit down on her quivering lip. I gently took my finger and slid my thumb along her mouth, marveling it. Would I ever get the chance to kiss her again? I pushed myself onto my elbows and pressed my lips to hers. Over all the years we spent together, Clare and I had shared many kisses. The passionate kind, the quick kind, the comforting kind, and the desperate kind. This kiss was different. This kiss wasn't reassuring, even though maybe it should have been. It was gentle on the surface, our lips moving together in perfect unison, and as our arms wrapped around each other, a poetry of limbs. Clare shivered against me and I felt the burning need underneath our gentle embrace. The burning passion leaked into the kiss and then it was rougher, harder. When we finally broke apart, Clare's eyes were wide and I saw a shining in them that I loved. It was more than just physical need now, it was purely emotional. I stared into her eyes, now shining with tears, as the doctor walked in. "Mr. Goldsworthy? It's time to leave now. Are you fully aware of the procedure?" He asked me gently. I nodded stiffly. I kissed my wife again gently, pressing my hand against her belly, and flashed her a ghost of my old smirk. "See you soon, blue eyes. Stay out of trouble." I turned to the doctor and lowered myself into the wheelchair he was holding out for me. I glanced back at my wife, who still had her arms held out as if I was still in them. She stared after me, holding my gaze, refusing to let go.

Even after many walls separated us, my mind was still on Clare. Even as the doctor explained to me the procedure of the surgery; repairing collapsed lung, using new kind of stitches that deteriorate after time to help air flow, removing cancer from other lung with a lengthy procedure, repairing now cancer-less lung, and then re stitching; all I could think of was Clare and my babies. I was currently lying on a stretcher that was sitting on a metal slab where the surgery would occur. I remember Clare lying on one just like this whenever Blake had made his unexpected arrival into our lives two months early. Clare had been bleeding so badly, we thought she might have miscarried. Nurses, interns, and surgeons went about, preparing everything as I stared into the bright light above me. How could I do this? Just lie here knowing I could die, never see my family again? A pain bloomed in my chest, a hollow sickening feeling. I knew immediately that I would be going to Hell, because wherever my family was would be Heaven. My Atheist mind almost wavered for a moment, as I considered praying to God. It had helped Clare all of those years, and no doubt she was praying now. "Mr. Goldsworthy? Are you ready to begin?" The surgeon asked. I inhaled deeply-barely noticing the pain it caused my lungs-and thought of my family. Clare, Jayden, Blake, my baby girl. "Yes." I whispered, not sure who I was trying to convince, the surgeon or me. "We're going to put this mask on you Mr. Goldsworthy. I know how difficult it's going to be, but breathe in deeply, and cunt backwards from ten so that way we'll know whenever you're unconscious." They lowered a mask that had originally been used for oxygen, but now had a metallic scent and flavor to it. I let my thoughts, maybe my last invade my head. "Ten." Clare. I loved her so much. . Her blue, perfect eyes. "Nine." Jayden, my beautiful baby girl. The way she smiled up at me on the way home from the hospital. "Eight." Blake, my first son. His dark curls and green eyes, the way he laughed whenever I pushed him on his backyard swing, his hands reaching up for the sky. "Seven." My unborn daughter, the little girl I might not meet. Clare would take care of her. "Six." I whispered, and my whole body floated into unconsciousness.

**Adam's POV:**

Clare sobbed the entire way home in my car, and my heart was breaking for her. Clare had been my friend since high school, and it caused me pain to see her cry. I felt sick, pressing my hand to my stomach. So this is what Fiona must feel like after she's done drin-I stopped myself. Thinking about that only tortured me more. Besides, she was going to therapy. She would be better soon, right? Eli was going to find her another AA meeting soon, and then… Eli. Oh God, my best friend. Why? Why did it have to be him? Clare's sobs broke into my thoughts as she choked out words. "W-Why would God want to t-take E-Eli away from me? Eli is so p-perfect, so wonderful, what did he do to d-deserve this?" Clare stuttered. I pulled my car over to the side of the road and put it in park. I removed my seat belt and put my arms around Clare. "God has a twisted sense of humor, Clare." I said gently into her curls. "But it'll all be okay." I whispered. Clare looked up at me, and I felt more pain when I saw the total agony in her eyes. She stopped shaking as much, and leaned back into her seat. She placed a hand over her stomach. "You know what Mother Teresa said?" She whispered to me. "God only gives me what He thinks I can handle. I only wish He didn't trust me so much."

**Eli's POV**

I woke up, stiff and sore and full of medication. Clare and Adam were next to my bed, Clare crying in to her hands a little whenever she saw that I was awake. "Oh my God, Eli!" she cried as I reached for her. I wrapped my arms around her and she held onto me. "Oh, Blue Eyes." Hot tears poured down my face as I kissed Clare's porcelain cheeks. "Thank God you're okay." She gasped as she held onto me. Adam smiled wryly in his chair, his eyes somewhat teary. "She wouldn't even let me take her home, Eli. She made me drive her right back here." He chuckled, and then rubbed Clare's back soothingly. Our eyes met and I mouthed two words to him. 'Thank you.' He smiled, and then nodded, leaving the room. "I think you need some alone time. I'll be back later, alright?" He turned in the doorway, looking back at us. "Ah, by the way man, I'm really glad you pulled through." He smirked and walked out. I held Clare in my arms for a few more hours and I just told her how much I loved her. When the doctor finally came in, he told me I would need to stay for a week and then come in every two days for three weeks to get tests and shots. I nodded numbly, just amazed that I was lucky even to stay with Clare.

**Two weeks later.**

**Eli's POV**

I was sore, and it was painful, but I was home. I had just gotten home from tests and shots and Clare was curled up on the couch with me. The kids had gone to school, it was their last day and then it would be summer for them. I had found a work-from-home job where I could send in essays and articles into various newspapers for an incredible amount of money. They even asked me to write a book to be published. "What time to the kids get home?" she asked me. I checked my watch. "In three hours or so, but they were going to go over to Darcy's after school to give us some alone time." I murmured, gently nibbling on her earlobe. She giggled, but then sighed, pushing me away slightly. She grimaced and then exhaled. "That's great, actually." She said, her voice strained. "Because I think my water just broke."

**A/N Good? Bad? Five reviews to update! I Promise to update more often! What should the baby's name be and what is the conflict with the Torres's? Tell me guys! REVIEW!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N Thanks to all those great people that reviewed so quickly! Also, thank you for the suggestions guys!**

**Eli's POV**

I stared at Clare as she whistled in a breath through her teeth. "Eli…" she hissed, her nails suddenly digging into my hair. "It hurts." She gasped, dropping a pale hand onto her stomach. I was still in shock. Clare's….water was broken? As in…she was having the baby? "T-the baby?" I asked stupidly, staring at Clare's cinnamon curls bounce up and down as she nodded. She pushed herself off the couch, grasping at her lower stomach and gasping. The baby. A flood of warmth punched me in the stomach and I was on my feet. Adrenaline pumped through my veins and I lifted Clare bridal style to the car. Yes, we had a car now. Morty had been retired in the garage for a few years now. I pushed her into the passenger seat gently, running back up the house to grab her suitcase. I thoughtlessly shoved it into the back seat and shoved myself into the front seat, pushing the key into the ignition and twisting it violently. "Eli….." Clare whined beside me. "I know it hurts baby, I'll get you to the hospital soon. I promise." I looked over at my wife, her sapphire eyes burning with pain. She shoved her hand against mine and squeezed it in a vice grip. I drove one handedly to the tunnel, just in time for rush hour. "Damn it!" I hissed, smashing my free hand against the steering wheel. Clare had gotten even paler, sweat running down her forehead. Her legs pushed against the floor as she struggled through another contraction. My baby was coming _right now. _My beautiful baby girl. The light turned green and the red minivan in front of me pulled up. A guy in a black Corvette blew through his red light, smashing into the minivan. My jaw dropped open. _Are. You. Serious? _

I quickly dialed 911 and spoke to the operator. "What is your emergency?" A voice asked cooly. I swerved around the minivan and explain the accident and the address to the woman. Clare looked over her shoulder back at the accident. "Oh My God-I mean goodness, Eli do you think they're okay?" she asked me, her perfect eyes leaking tears. "They're fine, Clare. How can you be so calm whenever we're about to have a baby?" I asked her. She shrugged. "You'll take care of me." She said simply when another contraction. My heart shattered as I watched Clare go through pain. I had the same thought I had thought the last two times whenever Clare had delivered my children. _This is your fault. You got her pregnant. _I felt sick to my stomach. I tore my eyes away from my almost crying wife and looked up at the tunnels. _No. F-ing. Way. _"Tunnels under construction. Detour." A sign said, with an arrow pointing to the left. A stream of swear words slipped through my lips as I twisted the car to the left. There was no construction whenever I left the hospital this morning! "Oh my God, Eli, the baby is coming _right now!" _Clare practically screamed. "Hold on, Blue Eyes, hold on. Don't push baby, please not yet, just hold on a little longer!" I said back as I went _way _over the speed limit on the detour. "E-Eli, slow down!" Clare cried out. Her hand squeezed mine in a vice grip as the hospital came into view. "Clare, baby, we'll be there soon. Three minutes, Blue Eyes. Three minutes." I said gently, squeezing her hand. "Eli, the baby's _not waiting!_" Clare screamed suddenly. She threw her head back and screamed in agony as she pushed. "Don't you dare, Clare! Please, do not have the baby in the car! I can't drive and deliver at the same time!" I said, my nerves totally shot. I pulled into the hospital parking lot and totally stole a guys spot.

I ran to the passenger side of the car, lifting Clare out gently as she screamed into my shoulder. "Hey, asshole, you just stole my spot-Oh my God! Can I help you, get you a wheelchair or something?" The guy in the car screamed at me. "E-Eli, put me down, I'm having the baby!" Clare screamed in my ear. I carried her into the emergency entrance and the nurses gasped, and then plopped her into a wheelchair. The nurse stopped the wheelchair. "Nancy! Get the doctor! Now!" Clare screamed in agony and I pushed the nurse out of the way. I lifted Clare's dress and gasped as I saw her blood soaked panties. I ripped them off. Oh My God. I could see the baby's head. I looked up at the nurses. "Have any of you ever delivered a baby before?" I asked, frantic. The young nurse looked at the other young girl, terrified. "w-We're just interns. She's the nurse. Ask her." She said, gesturing to the older woman. Numbly, she shook her head. Oh good. All by myself. Clare looked at me in agony from the chair. "E-Eli? Get her out, please. I can't keep her in any more." She gasped. I nodded numbly. "Push, Blue Eyes. Push, love, I got this." I said, taking off my shirt to act as a receiving blanket. I lifted her dress again. "Push!" I commanded as Clare screamed again. A wet, blood-covered squirming baby was now in my jacket, black curls plastered to her forehead. "E-Eli, is she okay?" Clare gasped, trying to right herself up. A counted her fingers and toes before looking into her eyes. Green eyes just like mine. "Eli, why isn't she crying?" Clare cried out in horror. I looked down at my little girl, with her wide open eyes. Oh my God. She stared up at the world, not inhaling. I almost shook her whenever she took a deep, shuddering breath, and let out a wail so loud it hurt my ears. She was small, way smaller than our other babies. "She's perfect, Clare. She's beautiful."

**An hour later.**

Clare and I were resting on a hospital bed, the baby in our arms. She weighed only 2 pounds 3 ounces. A very small baby. She would have to be put in an incubator soon, something that they had used for Blake, our other premature baby. Our little baby had rose red cheeks, and Clare's pale complexion. She had Clare's curls, only in my color, and her green eyes were identical to mine. Clare laughed. "Looks like we have another Eli look-alike in the family." She said. Our baby squirmed a little and I grinned. "I'm taking her to her first concert." I whispered. Clare laughed and leaned into my shoulder. "We make beautiful babies, you know that?" Clare murmured gently, cheeks flushed. I nodded. Our babies were stunning. Jayden was way prettier than I cared to admit, getting all sorts of attention from boys and men. She was completely oblivious to it. He nurse walked in. "Do we have a name for the little one yet?" she asked gently. I looked at Clare. We already knew who the baby was being name after, though we hadn't decided an official name yet. "Cecelia?" I asked her gently. She considered for a moment, then shook her head and whispered another name in my ear. I smirked, looking down at our baby. It was perfect. "Celia Juliet Goldsworthy."

**A/N What do you think? Good/bad? BIG conflict with the Torres's next chapter. From Adam's or Eli's POV! REVIEW! **_**Five reviews to update**_**! **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N Heeeeeeyyyyyy guys. *Dodging tomatoes* I'm sorry I haven't been on for so long! My parents are in the middle of a divorce and I'm being dragged in and out of trials a lot. Property/ custody/ blah blah blah. Also, my school computer has a blacking page on it to my email and to fanfiction. So, I get an hour a week at the library to write, sometimes more if I go over to a friends house. I will update when I can until the hearings over, and then I'll tell you guys what's going on. Anyway, here's the next chapter. REVIEW PLEASE!**

**Eli's POV:**"Yeah, yeah, she's fine." I sighed into the phone. Randal had called at least three times an hour since Clare had delivered the baby. He couldn't care less about Celia, he only cared about whether Clare was strong enough to file divorce proceedings. Randal had called her and talked to her privately, telling her that this premature baby was just another sign that Clare should leave me (and the kids). Randal had become an attorney after breaking up with Clare's mother. "Eli, face it, you're just not right for her." Randal said. My hands balled into fists, and I could feel myself about to lose control. My hands froze as I was about to hit the dial tone. "Randal, Clare has made her decision to stay with me. If she ever wishes to leave, I will let her go. It will break my heart, but I will let her go. Please leave me alone. If you want to fly up and see Clare and Celia that's fine, if not, please don't call back." I hung up the phone and walked down the hall towards Clare's room. She was already standing in her hospital gown, wincing as she tried to walk. Her sock covered feet stuck to the floor and I wrapped my arm around her. "C'mon, Clare, lets go see our baby." I whispered gently. We walked down the hall to the nursery and stared past the glass. There was our baby in her 'baby-cooker' incubator, as I liked to call it. She was asleep, her lips squirming. What was wrong with her lips? I grabbed the nearest nurse and pointed. "That's my daughter, what's wrong with her?' I demanded immediately. The nurse looked closely, and then panic flooded her eyes. I turned back to my baby. Her breathing was shallow, and now her lips were almost purple, she was squirming more now. Her legs flailed and her body heaved. What was wrong with my baby?

**A/N I am SO sorry it is short but the library computer is going to shut off in 6 minutes because I've been on for to long. BIG problem with the Torres's next chapter, and what's wrong with Celia? REVIEW!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N Hey guys! I might get to update more now, since I might be able to get hold of a separate computer more often. My mom got sole custody of me, and my brother gets joint custody with my dad. PLEASE REVIEW! Four reviews to update, PLEASE!**

**Adam's POV:**

I couldn't stop crying. I kept trying to help her, but she just kept shoving me away. Fiona's blue eyes- the eyes I fell in love with- were glazed over from the booze. Her eyes were erratic, her sentences slurred**, **and she stabbed my heart every time she stumbled. A woman from the adoption agency was supposed to come by today, and she would be here any minute. "Fiona! Sweetheart, stop! Mrs. Callin is going to be here any second to see the house so we can adopt the baby! Go take a shower, I'll tell her you're sick. Please." I begged, bribing and pleading. Fiona didn't listen. She was drunk off her ass, barely being able to stand. If the woman from the agency saw this, she would make sure we weren't three hundred yards near this kid. Tears streamed down my cheeks. Not just my wife, but my baby, too? Couldn't anything go right for me? Fiona slipped again, and I grabbed her before she fell just as the door bell ran. Oh God. My stomach twisted, and I tried to shove Fiona up our carpeted steps. How could she be so selfish? Couldn't she give up alcohol for _one day? _I knew her problem was serious, but was it this bad? I opened the door to see a wrinkled old woman staring at me. She stared right past me, looking right at Fiona, and my red swollen eyes. Fiona was so sick, maybe we couldn't get a baby right now. "M-Mr. Torres, is your wife alright?" she asked nervously, her eyebrows connecting. "She's just sick right now." I said gently. Great, now I was a liar, too. "Could you come back sometime this week?" I asked. She nodded, but wrote something down on her clip board. Great. I shut the door and walked back to Fiona, who had fallen asleep on the stairs. I sat next to her, and cried. I cried for my wife, who was falling down a swirling tunnel of addiction, and for the daughter I would never get to meet.

**Eli's POV:**

Clare sobbed uncontrollably into my chest, and I rubbed her back to quickly to soothe her. My baby, my baby. Celia Juliet Goldsworthy. I saw her name in my head. What was even worse was that I saw it on a tombstone. I choked back sobs at the thought of my daughter dying. I couldn't let that happened. I had named her after Julia, and just like with Julia, I wouldn't be able to save her. My baby girl was behind closed doors somewhere, as doctors tried to save her. I numbly held onto Clare as the doctor walked in. "Mr. and Mrs. Goldsworthy? Could you please come with me?"

**A/N REVIEW! What happens with the Torres's adopted daughter-to-be? Do they get her or not? Does Fiona get the help she needs? And what about Celia? What's wrong with her? JUST FOUR REVIEWS TO UPDATE! **


	10. Chapter 10

Adam s POV:

My body shook as my wife took an aspirin for her pounding headache. I looked over at her,  
>trying to look underneath the bloodshot eyes and shaking fingers to find the source of her problems. She couldn t look at me, she was too ashamed. The endless cycle of getting drunk,<br>getting hung over and giving apologies had repeated once again. My wife had been beautiful whenever I married her. Her dark curls flowing perfectly down past her shoulders, her blue eyes glittering, and the radiance of her smile had stunned me into silence. The first morning of our marriage, as I held her in my arms, she had told me how I was the only person she ever wanted to be with. My life had been paradise, and the day when the adoption agency had called, telling us an expecting mother wanted to give her baby to us had just made my life more complete. It was right after when it started. I found bottles of gin and bourbon hidden under couch cushions, a flask of whiskey in the glove compartment of her Mercedes, even schnapps in the chandelier in our dining room. Things started to change. She became secretive, and whenever I told her of the things I had found, she would scream at me, and throw tantrums I had never seen before. Drew had warned me about this, after (for the first and last time) he went to rehab, trying for once in his life to help his kids, that Whenever you get addicted, you re done.  
>Life is over. What you used to control now controls you. He said-his eyelids droopy from years of being with Bianca, and years of taking drugs. I watched as my brother slipped into a bottomless pit of drugs, and I couldn t stop him. I wouldn t let that happen to my wife. Fiona tried to walk past me, but my hand grabbed her wrist. I pulled her wrist up to my shoulder, and held it there until she looked into my eyes. She was almost sober, for the first time in three days. I kissed her fingertips, tracing the fingernails that she had used to spend hours filing and painting. Her eyes were watery, but something told me that it wasn t from the alcohol. She tried to glance away whenever I pulled her close but I grabbed her chin and tilted her head towards mine. I kissed her tears away, trying to take her pain away. I pressed my lips against hers gently, and God, I was terrified when she almost pulled away. She tasted different. The taste she used to have, mint and honey, was now swirled and swallowed by alcohol. I kissed her harder, hunting for the tastes I longed for. She kissed back, hesitantly. That wasn t what I wanted. I pulled her into our bedroom, and laid her down gently. I pushed myself next to her,<br>and started to kiss her neck. I couldn t help her, and I was trying to heal her the only way I knew how. When I was a kid, after my dad left, leaving me and my mother alone with no money, my mom pulled me into her arms and kissed me. it s okay, Gracie girl. She whispered. Mommy will kiss it and make it all better. At four years old, uncomfortable in my own skin, I knew better. But I wished so much I could change it. I kissed away her tears, and whenever she tried to protest her special treatment, I would kiss her lips.

Just stop. I whispered. If you love me, if you love our baby, stop. I lovingly kissed her tears away. Adam. She whispered, her blue eyes full of anguish. I can t.

Eli s POV

The doctor led us to a small quiet room, where our daughter lay. Clare s knees buckled when she saw her, and I barely could hold her up. Eli. She whispered, terrified. I reached down,  
>wanting to touch my baby s porcelain skin. Her eyes were closed, the lashes clinging together in a way that was unnatural, shielding the eyes I would never get to see again. The doctor was behind us, mumbling apologies. Clare had slumped to the floor, screaming. My daughter was more peaceful in death then she was in life. She was so still. As coldness sealed my heart I gently picked up the blanket that had been kicked to her feet, and pulled it up to her chin. It s okay, baby girl. I whispered gently, lying to myself. I pressed my lips to her cold chalky cheek.<p>

Eli? Eli, babe, are you okay? Clare asked, glancing over at me while she fed our daughter.  
>I was shaking, and gasping in lungs full of air. I looked at the plastic chair I had fallen asleep in. Clare, where s the baby? Where s Celia? What happened? I yelped. Where was my baby?<br>Was she okay? Eli, she s right here. Clare said, rocking her. I stumbled over to my baby girl,  
>looking down at her. Her eyes, wide and alert, rolled towards me, and then back to her mother.<br>Her flushed cheeks, proving that she was alive, were smooth and her lips twisted as she began to cry, still hungry. Her mother fed her as I stared in amazement. My nightmare had been so real. I m sorry, Blue Eyes, I just had a nightmare. Oh my God, it was so bad. Celia squirmed and I held out my arms, and Clare placed my little angel in them. I bounced her gently, clinging to my very alive child.

A/N Good, bad? I tried to put more effort into this one because the last one sucked. To review: Everything that happened with the Torres s happened, but the incident with Celia almost dying was just Eli dreaming. Any ideas for another chapter, next story, or whether I should quit writing this story? New story coming soon. FIVE REVIEWS TO UPDATE! IF YOU READ THE STORY, ONE WORD IS ALL IT TAKES TO LEAVE A REVIEW! YOUR REVIEWS MAKE MY DAY GUYS! 


	11. Chapter 11

A/N HEY GUYS! THE BOLD ON MY COMPUTER ISN'T WORKING, SO IF ITS IN CAPS THAT MEANS ITS NOT PART OF THE STORY, BUT THAT IT ANNOUNCES MY NOTES AND POV'S. SO, WHO LIKED THE LAST CHAPTER? :) MY NOGGIN TOOK QUITE A LOT OF DAYDREAMING TO COME UP WITH THAT ONE. ANYWAY, I NOW PRESENT CHAPTER 11, FIVE REVIEWS TO UPDATE!  
>*ELI'S POV*<br>I bounced my one month old baby girl on my shoulder, trying to get her to stop crying. What was wrong with her? After we got home from the hospital, she kept crying. I had scheduled an appointment at the hospital for her, I was going today to get shots anyway. "Clare, baby, I'm leaving." I said, walking into the bedroom to get my jacket. I bounced Celia a little harder as she hiccuped from crying so much. I kissed her soft little cheek and turned to my wife. Clare was lying in bed, her cinnamon curls framing her porcelian face. She belonged in a musuem somewhere, the most beautiful woman in the world, sculptor unknown. She was on bed rest for the next week, just a precaution so she wouldn't get hurt because the baby came so early. Her long legs stuck out from her nightgown, and as she leaned up to kiss the baby goodbye I got a nice view of her chest. I licked my lips. No, no, bad Eli. We couldn't have sex for the rest of the week. I sighed, kissing my wife goodbye and nuzzling my baby. "Think she's lactose intolerant like Blake was?" I asked. when Blake was born, he was lactose intolerant, and whenever we fed him, he would get sick. He cried like Celia is for hours. "I hope not." Clare said,  
>pouting as she looked down at the carton of ice cream I had broughten her earlier. "Are you sure your still not pregnant?<br>Like, maybe a twin is hiding in their or something? Your still hungry all the time." I said, laughing. Clare didn't think it was funny. She immeadietly looked over her body, scared that I was judging. How could Clare think of herself as anything but stunning? She opened her mouth to talk, but I cut her off with a kiss. Maybe I could stay, apoligize, take her clothes off...I pulled myself away and dragged myself into the car, buckling the baby into the backseat. I sighed as I pulled into the parking lot, taking the baby upstairs with me, my mind still on Clare. I hope she wasn't mad at me. I handed the baby off to the pediatrician, though rather unwillingly, I loved holding my baby girl. I had learned to give myself the shots now, and took them from the nurse to inject in my skin as the doctor asked me questions about Celia. "Any abnormalities?" the doctor asked. I gritted my teeth as the next needle went in. The needles weren't bad, but what they injected hurt. It burned through my veins for a few more minutes. "Uh, no. No, no abnormalities." I said, looking over at Celia. "Why?" I asked. My baby squirmed on the table, her pale cheeks blushing red. "Well, Mr. Goldsworthy...  
>You do realize that the kind of lung damage you had could be genetic? That the baby could have it to?" I stared at my child, squirming and wailing on the table. And it took a second fo rme to realize my nightmare might be coming true.<p>*Adam's POV* "Fiona!" I yelled up the steps. My wife had been in the bathroom for awhile, saying that she was getting ready to leave. We were going out to dinner to celebrate her being sober for two weeks. She had gone to AA, she was so scared that we wouldn't get the baby. She hated that she was hurting me. I smiled, thinking off my wife smiling after her last AA meeting.<br>She told me that the next meeting I had to go with her, and hear he confess everything that she'd done when she was drunk. I knew, no matter what, that I would still love her. "Fiona!" I said, stepping in front of the bathroom door. "Babe, our reservations are in half an hour and it takes awhile to get the-. I stopped as I heard noises behind the door. "Fiona?"  
>I called. I opened the door, to see my wife throwing up. I looked at her, scared. Had she been drinking? I didn't smell and alcohol on her. I fell to my knees next to her and pulled her hair back out of her face. Tears were streaming down her face. "Fiona!" I said, horrified. What was wrong with her? She was throwing up and crying. When she finally finished,<br>she wouldn't look at me. She sobbed as she flushed the toilet and brushed her teeth over and over. She held my hand the entire time, and I rubbed her back, trying to soothe her. What was wrong? Her hands shook and she slid down the wall next to the toilet, sobbing into her knees. Her nails dug into my skin, but I didn't mind. I kissed her tears away. "Fiona, sweetheart, what's wrong?" I asked her, staring into her ice blue eyes. "Y-You're g-g-oing to leave m-me."she stuttered, tilting towards the tile away from me. At first i thought she was joking, but then she hiccuped. Her eyes were wide and terrified, I had never seen her so scared. "No, baby." I said, shaking my head. "Never, my love. Never." "Why would I ever leave you?" I said, laughing without humor. Like I could ever live without her. She looked at me, looking terrified.  
>Her lips were chapped and torn, she had been biting them again. She did that whenever she was nervous. "Tell me what's wrong." I whispered calmly. I smoothed her hair back, but her breathing was still shallow and rapid. "I-I think I'm pregnant." she whispered, sobbing. My hands froze, my entire body froze. Pregnant. The word meant nothing at first, and then reality hit me like a truck. Pregnant. Baby. But... "I can't get you pregnant." I whispered to the floor. I had the sex-change operation, but couldn't impregnante anyone. I looked at her, scared suddenly. "It's not mine." I said.<p>

*A/N* WHOA! SO, FIVE REVIEWS TO UPDATE! IF YOU READ THIS, TWO WORDS OF COMMENTS, OR SUGGESTIONS IS ALL IT TAKES! IS FIONA PREGNANT? HOW DID SHE GET PREGNANT? DOES THE BABY HAVE LUNG PROBLEMS? WILL SHE GET SICK LIKE ELI? FIVE REVIEWS TO FIND OUT! 


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER. IM SORRY THE BOLD ISN'T WORKING AND THAT I HAVE TO USE CAPS, BUT I'M

WORKING ON TWO COMPUTERS TO GET THIS STUFF OUT AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK. I NEED

IDEAS FOR MY NEW STORIES, IF ANYONE HAS A SUGGESTION, REVIEW IT. SO, IS FIONA

PREGNANT OR NOT? FIVE REVIEWS TO UPDATE.

*ELI'S POV*

I rocked my daughter back and forth, whispering her name over and over. Clare sobbed on

the bed next to me, and I collapsed into her. She snatched the baby out of my hand and

began to kiss her face. What if my baby was sick? What if that was what was making her cry

all the time? We were sitting in a pediatrics room in the hospital, and my wife couldn't stop

crying. "Clare." I whispered, my voice shaking. I was going to break any second. "Baby, she'll be

fine." I murmured, trying to convince myself. I touched my baby's forehead and kissed Clare's

cheek. Clare tried to wriggle away, but I held her closer. "Blue eyes…I need you now, baby,

don't you get it?" she looked at me then, my Blue Eyes. I held her closer to me, holding my baby

with my other arm. "Whenever I was sick, you and my kids were the only reason I kept fighting,

the only reason I wanted to wake up in the morning. I needed you. So does she." I said, kissing

Celia. "We need to be a lot stronger, okay?" I said. Clare nodded into my chest, her sapphire

eyes brimming with tears. "What are we going to do?" Clare whispered. "I don't know." I

replied honestly, "but we'll work it out." The doctors had taken X-rays of her chest, and blood

samples to test for lung problems. I sighed. The doorknob turned, and our doctor walked in. He

looked at us gravely, holding a piece of paper in his hands. "Eli, Clare, your daughter…"

*ADAM'S POV*

To say the least, my life had gone to shit. I sat on the roof of our penthouse, smoking my fourth

cigarette and watching the sun set. A few months ago-had it really only been a few months?-

Fiona and I had sat out here, discussing adoption. I sucked down another lungful of smoke and

exhaled. Again and again. The only reliable thing in my life. Fiona had gone, at my request, to go

stay with her mother. I wanted to take a picture right then, of me with my back pressed against

a cold concrete wall at the edge of our penthouse, looking down at the ant-like people below. If

you had asked me a week ago if this is what I would become, I would have said never. But now

I was. Me and Fiona just weren't meant to be. Miss Fiona Coyne, twin of Declan Coyne, who

is rolling in bucks and went to Harvard, who had such hopes for the future, who was about to

become a mother, actually, still will be a mother-. I cut off those thoughts, trying to hold back

the boiling ocean of pain I would soon be forced to swim across. My whole life, all I'd wanted

was to find a girl who loved me for me, who I could take care of. But I couldn't even do that. I

finished my cigarette, pulling another one out of my pocket.

Memories came flooding back. My whole life crashing over me like a wave. Being a little girl,

hating my own skin, trying to fit in when the whole world called me a freak. Being throw the

bathroom door by Fitz and Owen, the glass shattering as I ran. My skin, scarred and burned

with the hate that wouldn't stay inside me. Meeting Fiona, the days we laughed together.

Getting married, a curtain of flowers separating our lips until the last special moment when we

sealed our hearts with a kiss. Looking over dozens of pictures of parents, trying to pick the best

to adopt from. Fiona would get a child. Fiona would have a beautiful, screaming child placed

into her arms in a hospital room. Anastasia Isabella if it was a girl, Adam Declan if it was a boy.

I didn't want that bastard child carrying my name. She cheated on me, with God knows how

many men. She had a baby, a beautiful but ugly baby, growing inside her. With a perfect face

and body, but a soul of hate. The baby would be good-looking, Fiona was its mother. But it

would have its fathers heart, taking advantage of people, ruining lives. I dropped my cigarette

over the side of the building, watching it fall to its death on the ground. Like I should be. It

was all my fault. I should have been home more, been with her. She was to good for me, she

always had been. She was Fiona Coyne, a was a transgender freak. I stepped into the house,

and scrawled a note to Fiona.

Without you, I was nothing. And with you, I wasn't enough. Please, for me, be

happy. Raise your baby. Don't name it Adam, please. I love you, I always will. You are

the love of my life, Fiona, a life cut short. I was a flaw in your perfect life, and I'm

so, so sorry for everything I've done. My life insurance is as high as I could make

it, put it to good use. Your husband, who loves you more than you anything,

Adam.

I walked into the bedroom, everything was ready. I put the note in my pocket, and slid the

noose over my neck. I stared at the picture of Fiona and I on our wedding day, sitting on the

dresser. The picture would be replaced with ones of her baby soon. I love you, Fiona. I'm sorry.

My feet slid off the end and everything went black.

*A/N SOOOOOO? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BABY? WILL ADAM LIVE OR DIE? FIVE REVIEWS

TO UPDATE!


	13. Chapter 13

A/N Sorry I didn't do shout-outs guys, I promise I will next chapter. no more FADAM after this chapter.

*ELI'S POV*

"Eli, Clare, your daughter is lactose intolerant. Clare, you have to stop eating anything with

milk in it for a few weeks. Ice cream, dairy, you know the drill. Give her a week or two and

she'll be fine." The doctor said. He left the room, and Clare and I stood to go, our knees weak

with relief. "Thank God." I whispered. Clare looked up then, smiling. "What God, Eli?" she said

sarcastically, quoting me all those years ago. I was still an Atheist, Clare knew that. I kissed her

cheek. "Just a joke, Blue eyes." I whispered lustily in her ear. She bent over to buckle the baby

into her car seat/carrier. I licked my lips again. Maybe we could…just once. She looked up at

me suddenly. "Just a kiss on the cheek? Eli, I think you're losing it babe." She said, grinning

teasingly. "Losing what?" I growled. "The sexiness, totally dimming. You should make it up to

me the second we get home." She whispered the last sentence, and brushed by me out the

door. I followed her into the lobby, and then into the parking lot. "Was that a challenge, Blue

Eyes?" I said. A challenge I was salivating for. She smiled a little. "Blake and Jayden are at my

mom's for the rest of the weekend." She reminded me as she put the baby into the car. She

teased me the entire way home, licking her lips too slowly, smiling too much, leaning up so that

her jeans were tighter against her skin… Whenever we got home, Clare got the baby out of the

car, and looked back at me. "Eli, aren't you coming?" Clare asked me. My hands clenched on

the steering wheel. My stomach twisted into a knot. Something felt wrong. "I'm going to go

check on Adam. I haven't seen him in a while, I was so caught up with the baby." I said. I looked

back at Clare. "Don't worry, Blue eyes, I'll be home soon." I drove towards Adam's in a daze.

What was wrong with me? My heartbeat was fast, and my palms were sweaty. Something felt

wrong. So, so wrong. I pulled into Adam's penthouse's driveway and walked up to the door, not

even bothering to take the key out of the ignition. I knocked on the door, and to my surprise

it swung open all by itself. Adam should have known better than to leave this unlocked, all the

valuable stuff that was in this penthouse. "Adam?" I called.

I strolled into the room, surprised by the smell of cigarettes. Neither Adam nor Fiona

smoked. "Hey, machismo, where the hell are you?" I called. Maybe they left. I should check to

make sure no one stole anything. I opened the door to their bedroom. "Adam I-JESUS CHRIST!"

I screamed. I jumped onto the bed and shoved Adam upward, loosening the rope from around

his neck. I screamed his name, shaking him. I called 911, told the operator what had happened,

and waited. I shook him, slapped him, and eventually rocked him to me. Tears poured down my

face. What had made him do this? Adam, my best friend. He was pale, his lips were blue. I held

him to me, remembering all the times he helped me in high school. 'C'mon man,' I thought 'I

got another baby girl, you get to be a godfather again. We can have some beers out on the roof

of your penthouse tomorrow, and Fiona and Clare can go shopping for baby clothes again. Just

get up.' Right before the ambulance came, I thought a few more words. 'I need you, bro. I love

you. Please, just wake up.'

*A/N SO, HOW WAS IT? FIVE REVIEWS TO UPDATE!


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N Sorry for the wait. Review!**

**Eli's POV**

I sat in a hard plastic chair next to Adam's bed. His dark hair had been pressed back, his pale skin even paler in the bright white lights. His lips had faded from blue to purple to the lightest shade of pink. The hospital gown spared his arms. The scars looked terrible, the old ones could have looked better. The old scars were covered with new ones, imprints of barrettes pressed into his skin. They were new. A week old at the most, maybe two. He'd gone back. And I was so busy with the baby I didn't notice. I wanted to touch them, trace them with my fingertips, slide my fingers across the blueprints of his pain. I gently, gently, placed one finger on the most recent one, so lightly that it wouldn't hurt him. I traced my index finger over all of them, as if I could make them sink back into his skin and disappear. "They're not that interesting, you know." Adam said.

My eyes shot up. Adam was awake. His eyes were wide and alert, but he didn't seem surprised that he was here, or that I was with him. He looked away from me, down at his arm. "But I can kind of see how they'd be a little captivating. I catch myself staring at them sometimes." He whispered softly. I tried to talk to him, but the lump in my throat was too big. He was alive. He wasn't cold in my arms. He smiled a little when he saw my face. "Relax bro. I'm fine. My neck hurts like Hell, though." He said, his face suddenly twisting as he put his hand to his neck. The purple bruise there had only become more prominent in the fourteen hours he'd been out. "Don't you ever scare me like that again." I growled, giving him a quick hug. Adam grinned. "I'll live. Just the little melodrama I possess coming to the surface. I won't do anything stupid. How did I get here?" he asked. I told him the whole story, and he grimaced most of the time. His face changed then, into one of surprise. "Hey, I heard you had the baby." He whispered, smiling. It still hurt him to talk. "Yeah. You get to be a godfather again." I said, chuckling and showing him pictures on my phone. "She's gorgeous, man. What's her name?" I told him. His face paled suddenly. "Fiona's going to have a baby to." He said, but this time the whisper seemed darker.

"What do you mean? I thought you couldn't-" "I can't." he cut me off, his eyes suddenly cold and hateful. "But the guys she gets drunk with can." A cold fist closed around my heart, and my heart threatened to stop beating. I knew Fiona had a drinking problem. At parties she would drink twice as much champagne as anybody else. But for her to do this….To cheat on the one man that truly loved her…My heart pounded harder, shooting boiling blood deep through my veins. _Why? _"She's pregnant." He said, his voice diminished to a small child's. Tears bloomed in his eyes, but he held them back. "It's like…she's not _mine _anymore, you know? We were married, we loved each other, we were happy…"He trailed off. "Now it's all being burned away and I can't stop it." He glanced down at his arm when he mention burned. I decided not to yell at him for it. He was going through hell. In high school, whenever laughter and names followed him through the halls, I used to tell him the same thing-that it would be okay. How could I tell him that now, knowing it was a lie? I couldn't fix this for him, I couldn't help him. I heard quiet footsteps behind me. "Adam?" Fiona's voice whispered. Adam looked up at his wife. I had seen him look at her with love, and with pain. Now his eyes were in agony. "I just got back." Fiona said, her blue eyes flowing tears. Somehow I didn't feel pity. "I'm so sorry, Adam." She whispered, walking over to him. He tilted his head away from her as she walked to the opposite side of the bed. "I got some tests done in New York." She whispered, sobbing as she traced Adam's bruise with her finger.

"I'm not pregnant."

**A/N Yes, no? Who saw that one coming? Five reviews to update, next chapter is already written and I'm working on a new story. REVIEW! I'M TRYING TO DO SHOUT OUTS NEXT CHAPTER! JUST FIVE REVIEWS! **


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N THE LAST FADAM? Should I write one more, or cut it here? Considering quitting the**

**story, a new on is already on the horizon. Does anyone have any ideas for the new story?**

**REVIEW!**

**Adam's POV**

My hands turned to fist, a light sheen of sweat rose on my skin. I wouldn't let myself believe it,

wouldn't let the doubt settle in my heart. I hit my off switch. This was a switch I knew well. Turn

off all emotional reactions. Do not scream or yell, do not smile, do not punch. Simple, short

commands that required no thoughts. Not pregnant. I delivered the news to myself lightly,

trying to make it less important, as if it wasn't the turning point in my life. I wouldn't look

at her. Her blue eyes pierced me, the subtle shades of her irises blending into a look of pure

pain. "I'm so sorry, Adam." She whispered. I glanced over at Eli, managed a weak smile. "Eli,

would you mind leaving for awhile?" I asked. My throat hurt like Hell. I couldn't do anything

right. I fucked up my own suicide. Eli nodded, standing, but still staring cautiously. I gave him

a look that was supposed to be reassuring, but probably just came off shaky. He left. And here

I was, alone with the woman I'd once loved. Her hand reached up to tough the bruise along

my neck and I grabbed her hand. Small, fragile, delicate hand. So easily twisted and snapped.

So easily broken, just like I was all those years. I couldn't help myself. I wanted to shove her

hand away, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. No matter if she dragged me through Hell and

back (which she had,) I was always going to be crawling back to her. I needed her, she was a

drug to me. And I was hopelessly addicted. I kissed the palm of her delicate hand, and then her

wedding ring.

Grief washed through me. When had she found out? In New York, her mother had dragged her

to a doctor, where they did a sonogram only to see that there was no baby on the screen. She

didn't have any diseases, either. Would I forgive her? This question had no answer, and she

started to sob when I didn't reply. She kept apologizing, like that helped. Like I cared. She was

the only family I had. Drew had gone down some long party-filled road with Bianca years ago, I

only heard from him once every six months or so, on the phone asking for money. My stepdad,

who I never cared for, killed himself a few years ago, as my mother happily rolled around in

his life savings. Like I could really on my mother now. I laughed, a short and hysterical sound,

so foreign that it frightened me. Even Fiona jumped. "You know, if I had been the one getting

drunk and cheating on you, Declan would have murdered me by now?" I laughed. I loved the

thought of it. Declan murdering me, Fiona sobbing at my funeral… My mind had taken a dark

turn recently. She wasn't pregnant. She wouldn't hold a perfect, heartless child in her weak

arms, or, if she had a girl, whenever her father would have to walk with her down the aisle,

she would be fatherless. She wouldn't have to go through the pain of childbirth, wouldn't have

to torture me. But she had cheated on me. The one thing I had left, that I still believed in, my

marriage, had been destroyed. My heart was shattered. Her fingers traced my scars. Tears

streamed down her ivory cheeks.

"Oh, Adam, what did you do?" she whispered. She pressed her lips to my wounds, over and

over again. Her tears left trails along my arm. "Fiona." I gasped, all the pain leaking through.

I needed her, like I needed air. Tears welled up in my eyes as I pulled her to me. I kissed her

forehead, breathed in the scent of her hair. "I love you." I whispered. "I'm not going anywhere."

**Jayden's POV**

I had a new baby sister. I smiled as I walked home from soccer practice. My wrists had healed,

the bandages long gone. Celia. She was so cute. "Hey!" a voice called from my left. I looked up

to the metal bleachers. A boy sat there. Whoa. His brown hair was cut in almost a crew cut,

his dark eyes light and cheerful. He wore a dark leather jacket, and dark jeans-not skinnes-. He

was gorgeous. He looked like he should be on TV, not standing right in front of me. He walked

down the bleachers so that he was standing right in front of me. He was still about half a foot

taller. He had to be at least sixteen. "Jayden, right?" he asked, making sure he knew my name.

I nodded. He knew my name! I felt…giggly. Something that hadn't happened in a long time. I

felt my cheeks flush. "I'm Alex." He said, smiling at me. His eyes were a dark brown, but there

was something dark in them. Mysterious, something different. It scared me a little. Then his

smile warmed me. The wind blew, and I shivered. "Here, take this." He said, giving me his

expensive leather jacket. His smile was practically dripping with sweetness. He draped it around

my shoulders, and where his hands touched me felt like I'd been burned. "I've seen you around

here a lot, you know." Alex whispered gently. "You go to Degrassi?" I asked, amazed. I would

have remembered seeing him. "No, no, I go to Richards." I watched his lips as he talked, smooth

and perfect. Richards was a ghetto town less than a mile away. He was so sweet though, not

like those rude ghetto kids. "I've been wanting to talk to you for a long time. I've watched you

play sometimes during your practices, you're really good." I smiled, and the sarcastic side of

me rose to the surface. "I know I'm good." I said, laughing. He chuckled. "At least you've got a

sense of humor." He said, grinning. "Actually, I was wondering, do you want to go out with me

sometime?" he asked.

"I don't really know you." I admitted guiltily. This guy could be a mass murderer, for all I knew.

His teeth were blinding white. "I know, that's why we're going out, to get to know each other

better." Alex whispered. The lights for the field would go off soon. I wanted to correct him,

saying that I hadn't agreed to go out yet. But I wanted to so badly. "Hey, how about you give

me your number, and we'll hang out sometime." He said, so charmingly. I nodded numbly. I

wrote down my number and gave it to him, totally dazed. He misread my expression. "I mean,

if you don't want to go out, that's okay too, I just really wanted-""No, that's fine. I'd love to

go out sometime." I cut him off. I was being stupid. Here was a really good looking, really

nice guy, and I was being so rude. I handed him my number. He blushed. "I'll call you soon,

okay?" "Okay." I smiled, still dazed as I walked away.

**A/N So Fiona and Adam are getting beck together….right? And what about the new guy**

**Jayden met? What's up with him? Five reviews to update! PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS AND**

**NEW STORY SUGGESTIONS! IF YOU READ THIS, IT ONLY TAKES TWO WORDS FROM FIVE**

**PEOPLE FOR ME TO UPDATE! BE ONE OF THE FIVE! SHOUT OUTS TO: NCMSBEAR AND ALL THE**

**OTHER AWESOME PEOPLE THAT REVIEWED!**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N Sorry I haven't been updating guys. I had to stay at my sisters house for a few days to**

**monitor her because she tried to kill herself, and after that my mom said I couldn't write**

**anymore and has been monitoring my account. :p**

***One week later***

**Jayden's POV**

Me and Alex had our first date yesterday. I told my parents that I was going over to my friends' house.

Like I had any friends left. I smoked one of the cigarettes that Alex had given me. I knew that something

was off. He ordered my dinner for me, not even caring that I didn't like what he was getting for me.

Afterwards, he handed me a cigarette and told me that smoking was relaxing, because I seemed

nervous. But he was so sweet. He told me how pretty I was whenever I met him at the restaurant, and

he thanked me a lot, as if going out with him was the highest honor I could've given anybody. It was

hard enough for me to get somebody to sit at my table at school.

***Flashback***

"She'll have the pasta with shrimp sauce." Alex said, smiling sweetly at the waitress. "But-" I protested

as the waitress walked away. Alex turned back to me, his eyes glittering. I opened my mouth again, but

he just smiled at me. "I know you'll like it." He promised. After dinner, he walked me back towards my

house. He pulled a pack of Marlboro's out of his pocket and lit one. "What are you doing?" I asked him,

amazed. "Smoking." He said casually. He looked me over for a second and then passed one to me. "You

look nervous, babe. Here." He passed me one and I stuck it in my mouth awkwardly as he lit it.

He started laughing as I coughed. "Why are you laughing at me?" I growled. He immediately became

serious. He tossed his cigarette onto the pavement and plucked mine out of my mouth. "I didn't mean

it, babe. You just look really sexy whenever your smoking." Electricity ran through my veins as he leaned

down to kiss me.

***End flashback***

He had given me his pack, and said he'd call me whenever we went out again. He was weird, but he

was so hot. I thought about telling my dad as I extinguished me cigarette. No, dad wouldn't like him. I

shouldn't be dating kids in high school, that's what he would say. Who cared is Alex was weird? It wasn't

like he was hurting me or something.

**A/N Sorry it's so short, have to finish another chapter! Five reviews to update! I promise to try and**

**update more often!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Jayden's POV**

***One month later***

"Jayden, look at me." Alex said soothingly. I looked at him immediately. He blue eyes were deep, sincere. "I'm so sorry, love" he whispered, gently stroking my hair back from my face. "You know how I get when I'm upset. Just get the hell out of my way when I'm like that, okay?" And where am I supposed to go? He was a liar. But I loved him. He gently kissed the corner of my mouth. "I didn't mean it, baby girl. Please, talk to me." His hands were shaking as he touched my face, trying to wipe my tears away. He leaned down and kissed the tear streaks running down my face. "Don't cry, don't cry." He said, wrapping his arms around me. I sat on his bedroom floor, shaking. A bruise was forming around my left eye, and I watched Alex's knuckles bleed. Tears flowed from my eyes again. He was such an amazing guy; he was so strong and sweet. He just had a mean streak, that was all. It was all his dad's fault. His dad hurt Alex a lot when he was younger, and now violence was his normal reaction. His dad left when Alex was nine. Alex kissed my cheek again. Tears clung to his eyelashes. "Baby, I'm so sorry." His voice was breaking now. I was slowly returning back into my body, slowly releasing myself out of the cage I force myself into. It makes the world numb. My emotions slowly came back. "Please, talk to me. Don't be mad at me, don't leave me. I'll kill myself if you leave me."

I leaned up to his mouth and kissed him. I couldn't live without him. "You need to stop." I whispered. "Please, you need to stop." He nodded, and the tears fell from his eyes. "I know, I know, I'm so sorry." I let him hold me, nuzzling my head into his shoulder. What was I going to do?

**A/N Sorry it's short. Filter chapter. 5 reviews to update! Next chapter will be flashback/Eli's POV/Jayden's POV! More drama up ahead!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Eli's POV**

I ran my hands through my hair again. Where the fuck was she? I was pacing back and forth in my living room, throwing anxious glances at the clock. It was eleven thirty-seven. She had promised to be back by eleven. I sank onto the couch and put my head in my hands. Where was she? Jayden never stayed out late. She was changing. I had seen so little of my daughter in the last month. She was always staying out late, and then getting up early on weekends to go hang out with her friends. The friends I had never met. The friends who never came over to dinner, or to sleep over. The friends that Clare had never been introduced to.

Maybe I just wasn't a good father. I ran my hands through my hair again. I've been spending so much time helping Clare with the baby, and working extra hours too. My daughter was slipping through my fingers. "Eli, she'll come home." Clare whispered. I turned to look at my beautiful wife. She bounced the baby in her arms, and her face was calm, but I saw the fear burning in her eyes. _Oh, Jayden, do you know what you put me and your mother through? _The door slammed shut and Jayden walked into the room. "Oh. Um, hey." Jayden said. "Where the fuck have you been?" I snarled. Jayden blinked, surprised.

"Out."

"Out where?"

"Somewhere."

"With who?"

"My friends."

"_Which _friends?"

"Um..Alex Steele…Annie Clark….Christine Prosperi…"

"How come we haven't met them?" I hissed.

Jayden laughed. "They're not exactly the type of friends you bring home to dinner. If you don't mind, I'm going to bed. I'm sorry I came home late, I lost track of time."

"Well, you'll have plenty of time to keep track of time when you're in your room for the next week. You're grounded." She deserved some kind of punishment.

Jayden just rolled her eyes and strolled past her mother up to her room. My hands tightened into fists. She was keeping secrets from me. Grounding her wouldn't stop her. Tomorrow I was going to follow her, and find out what she was hiding.

**Jayden's POV:**

My tears began to flow before I even made it to my room. I locked the door and turned on music really loud. I collapsed on my bed and sobbed. I love Alex. I love him so much. I pulled my shirt off and looked at the bruises on my arms and ribs. His fists…His boots. I sobbed, lightly tracing over the bruises. As much as those bruises hurt me, it hurt me so much more to see him whenever he did it. So cold and distant, with his eyes bright and burning at the same time. His father must have hurt him _so badly _to turn Alex into this. But I loved the other Alex. The one that held me tight and whispered my name and kissed me so gently, as if he was scared I might break. Both Alex's were two sides to one coin, neither able to exist without the other. And I loved him too much to give him up.

**AN Five reviews to update! **


	19. Chapter 19

**Jayden's POV**

_Mayday, Mayday, _

_Someone save me I am fragile _

_Oh somebody rescue me_

_Oh somebody tell me you will_

I cried for hours. I buried my face into my pillow and screamed. My parents didn't understand the prison I lived in. I couldn't live like this anymore. I sniffed and ran one of my hands through my hair. I had to tell my dad. He would understand, he would forgive me. I wouldn't be able to live if he hated me-I'd kill myself first. He would be so upset, so hurt. I could never look into his eyes when I told him. I sighed. I loved Alex. I could run away with him, spend the rest of my life with him. I winced. Spend the rest of my life covered in bruises. I gasped as I got off my bed, my limbs aching from the beating I got today. Tears spilled from my eyes. I pulled out a piece of paper and a pen and sat down to write.

_Daddy,_

_This is a confession. I want to show you my secret life. I'd like to introduce you to my boyfriend, Daddy. You've met him before. You seem him every day. He's the swollen faces and the cut lips and the bruises and the friends I sneak out to see and he's the pain I feel. Did you believe my excuses, Daddy? That I fell down the steps, that I walked into a door? They were lies. I can't lie anymore. _

The tears fall on the paper, spreading my pain over my words.

_I love you, Daddy. Do you forgive me? Don't hate me, please. God, don't hate me. I'll be home soon. You won't see any more bruises. I love you. Don't hate me. _

_-Jayden_

I would go and see Alex. I would tell him what I had to do. I would come home and my parents would hold me and cry with me and everything will be okay. _Everything will be okay. _

_Tell me that you're going to save me_

_That everything is gonna be ok_

My dad would never even know who Alex is. He would hurt him if he knew. I folded the letter in half, wrote _Daddy _on the front and set it on my dresser. I could feel something changing deep inside me. I was stronger. I could do this. A caterpillar to a butterfly.

I climbed out of my window and fell to the ground beneath it. I ran to Alex's house, leaving all my problems behind me. I was letting go, getting stronger with every step I took. Alex was outside his house smoking.

_I'm screaming but nobody can hear me_

_Can you save me from myself? No, no, no, no_

"Jayden" he said, surprised. "What are you doing here?" You can still go home and hide the note. Dad wouldn't have found it yet. You and Alex can live happily ever after. I cringe. There is no such thing as happily ever after. "We need to talk." I say. "Um. Okay." He says. "Not here." My voice is strong, unwavering. _You're never going to touch me again. _His beautiful eyes widen. "Let's go to the field." I say, softer. Where we first met. We walk in tense silence until the field is in sight. Alex breaks the silence. "What's wrong?" he said, his voice betraying his fear. Why is he scared? "I can't do this anymore." I whisper.

"What? What do you mean?" Alex said. He stopped walking. He turned to me in horror.

_How can that be? I'e tried and tried and tried_

_But I'm still lost at sea_

_When did I become the things that I used to hate?_

"I can't be with you anymore."

"But…"

"No buts. I'm done. We're over." I didn't notice his balled fists until one of them hit me in the face. Blood spurted from my nose as I staggered. Another blow to the shoulder. "You belong to me!" he screamed as I fell. I raised my arms to protect my head as he rained blows on me. Kicks in the ribs.

_I'm stranded to this ship_

_Left to fall with a crash of the waves_

_Tell me that you're going to save me_

_That everything is gonna be okay_

He kicked me in the head, right above my neck. Something cracked. I could hear the dull echo in my head. I couldn't feel the pain anymore, I couldn't hear the words Alex said. I knew I was going to die. A calm filled me, a numbing solution that started in my chest. I lay on the concrete, sticky blood pooling under my head. I looked away from Alex, I didn't want him to be the last thing I ever saw. I stared at the stars high above me. The darkness opened, making a place for me in the universe. Accepting me. I felt a small smile creep over my face. I was a butterfly. Do you see me, Daddy? I'm a butterfly. I stared up at the stars as I let go.

**Eli's POV**

I drove around for what seemed like hours. Where was she? I had found her note. How could she ever think I could hate her? How could she _ever _think that? Just when I was about to go home and see if she had come home I saw something by the side of the road. Oh God, no. I opened the car door, and let the cold air embrace me. My baby was lying on the ground, blood under her head. I ran towards her, numb. I fell onto the concrete beside her and pulled her into my arms. The next few moments passed in slow motion. I called an ambulance. I held her close as her starless eyes stared up, seeing nothing. I felt desperately for a pulse. There-there it was. It was so faint, but it was there. Tears slashed onto Jayden's face. My little baby girl.

_I'm screaming but nobody can hear me_

_Can you save me from myself? Mayday…Mayday…Mayday_

As I waited for the ambulance a monarch butterfly flew down onto my daughter's forehead.

**A/N Well? Good? Bad? Five reviews to update, the next chapter is already written! **


	20. Chapter 20

Hello everyone! I have ecided to terminated this account and reinvent myself with a new account; poisoncadence. Check to see if your favorite story is being continued on that account, and check out the newest story! Thank you all so much!


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